Regina and the Wastes

The feds came callin' a little sooner than I had thought. We wasn't four hours outta Paradiso when they hailed us. Askin' about a stolen Firefly loaded with medical supplies.. I got on the horn with some up tight Lieutenant and gave him the usual run around. Said I didn't know what he was talkin' about, that we was just a freelance cargo haulin' crew. He didn't seem to buy it so I gave Lily the OK to rabbit. They gave chase, but with Lily at the helm, there was no catching us. After we were sure we lost 'em, we continued to Regina.

Soon as we broke atmo, I felt my stomach start to tighten.. I hadn't been home for a good five or six years. I was surprisingly nervous, but at the same time, thrilled. I couldn't wait to see Otto and the old gang. I had Lily bring us down a good lotta miles from the town, where I knew we wouldn't be asked for permits or registration for our stolen boat. I grabbed the Pescaline D I 'borrowed' from the boat and we hopped on my motorcycle and zipped off in a storm a' dust.

Terrain-wise, Regina is pretty flat and unexciting. Nothin' but rolling desert from horizon to horizon and the biggest, bluest sky you could picture. Blasting through the desert, the wind beatin' on my face, and Lily holding on behind me, laughin' and grinnin'.. Somehow, despite my lousy memories of this place, I really felt like I was home again. A small crowd had already gathered in the town when we got there, all with hardhats and pickaxes over their shoulders, covered in dirt from the mines. They knew someone was comin' this whole time seein' the trails of dust on the horizon. Lily was quite the spectacle, she had gussied herself up like a princess to look good for Otto.. The fishnet hose she had on was what they was really lookin' at, I imagine. I know I was. My buddies weren't among the crowd, and nobody seemed to recognize me, but that didn't surprise me none. Most of my ol' gang spent their time in the mines and rarely ever came out.

Otto's broken down old shack was the same as it was twenty years ago, cramped and shoddy. He came runnin' out the door to meet us, laughin' and throwin' his arms up in excitement. Age was taking it's toll, I could tell. The couple hairs he had left were tinted white, and his face was covered in wrinkles. All the same, I was overjoyed to see him. The old codger hobbled over to me and threw his arms around me in a big hug, laughin' and fumblin' over his words. I could see Lily's eyes sparklin' while me and Otto bear hugged each other. I introduced her to Otto and they really hit it off. He took her arm in his and started ramblin' about how pretty she was and about me when I was growin' up here. Lily looked just as excited to hear it as Otto was to tell it. I just laughed and followed them into the shack.

Otto fixed us up some delicious tea he made with some quality leaves he was savin' for such a special occasion. For some reason, it felt wonderful seeing Lily and Otto together. Felt like all my family was together at last.. Otto really took to Lily, and her to him. He was so flattered that he nearly cried when Lily gave him the half-eaten chocolate she saved, or at least tried to save for him. I mostly just sat and watched them together, Lily sittin' right on Otto's lap, him tellin' her it's just like the way I used to when I was a kid.. I decided to head out and wander my old stompin' grounds and say hi to a few of the guys, leavin' Otto and Lily to their crazy stories.

I had stepped out into the cold night and headed to the only building that still had lights on, the local tavern. I knew I'd find my old pals there. Walkin' through the door, all the patrons turned their heads. Most still didn't recognize me, but when I spotted my old gang and smirked, they went berserk! They hauled me over to the bar, pattin' my back, punchin' my shoulder, orderin' me a dozen drinks, laughin', screamin' at me for being out of touch for so long. I ain't laughed and grinned like that for a long time.. I didn't realize how much I missed those old bastards.. They was all curious how my bounty hunting career was goin', so I fed 'em all my best stories. Told them about Hale's, Cap and the crew, Blackburne.. even Sylph.. Anyway, they was all jokin' about how I probably couldn't even mine proper no more, so I had to prove 'em wrong on that. So, we staggered out to the mines and they threw me a pick. Turns out mining is like ridin' a bike, ya never forget how it's done. The fellas and I caught up and swapped stories well into the mornin'.

I wish I coulda spent more time there... but right when I walked outta the bar to head to Otto's, I saw Lily runnin' my way. She was lookin' mighty nervous.. sayin' it was "almost time", and that we had to go to the Wastes right away. Bad as I wanted stay, I couldn't convince her.. I knew I couldn't let her go alone, so I just gave up and ran back to Otto's to say goodbye. He was upset to see me go so soon, but he just laughed and said he knew I had a "responsibility to my wife". I had to ask him to tell the guys for me, since Lily wasn't willing to spend another second not headin' toward the wastes. We was off world in our hijacked Firefly and en route to the Wastes in the blink of an eye. I had to catch up on sleep, so I left the flyin' to Lily, which she was fine with.. I got to my bunk and reached into my pack for smokes, and what do I find but the Pescaline I gave to Otto. That selfless, no good geezer snuck it right back into my pack.. You'll pay for that one, pops.

We miraculously didn't run into a single obstacle on our trip to the Wastes, so we was there pretty quick. Lily took me to the underground Blue Sun.. headquarters I guess? Things got a little too bizarre to describe from then on. It looked like some kinda abandoned factory, shattered glass and strange lights all over the place. Lily had me put my hand over some console thing.. which I guess took a sample of my DNA while she touched another console for hers. Then, she took me further underground and she tinkered with some weird devices.. next thing I knew, half her brain was hangin' out. If that wasn't crazy enough, she took me even further into the Blue Sun system and we saw a gigantic, gorram brain. A gigantic, gorram, talking brain. Lily was trying to take some weird consoles or boxes or somethin', despite the giant brain advising against it. I was glad when we left that place, but Lily's brain was still hangin' out.. She said it was supposed to happen, so I just pretended not to see it.

We wandered the Wastes for a spell before we found the Blue Man himself. Or itself, whatever. The whole time, I had a feelin' Lily wasn't plannin' on coming back to Hale's with me.. but she was careful to avoid my questions. She told me it was time for the mating to begin, so I just nodded my head. She left what exactly the 'mating' meant, so at the time I just went with it. Krenshar showed up outta nowhere and filled me in on what it really meant; death. But Lily was hell bent on 'mating' with the Blue Man, so it came down to me physically having to jerk her hand away from the lever that would have sealed the deal. The Blue Man said to me, "You're strong. Not who I would have chosen, but you'll do" or somethin'.. still not sure what that meant and not sure I care. I just wanted to get Lily outta there. The Blue Man kept trying to persuade Lily to mate, but Krenshar and I managed to hold her back until she fainted and the Blue Man vanished.

I hauled Lily out of the Blue Man's place, back out to the wastes. She was suddenly 99% organic apparently.. as much a human as me. I still don't know what happened, but.. I'm glad I was here with her. She was in bad shape though, so I sent a wave to Duncan for an evac. The Cap came through for me, much to my surprise. Wasn't sure what he thought about Lily and me runnin' off the way we did. I was glad to hear from him again, to say the least. Cap showed up with Belize, who was about ready to stick me with one of her syringes before fixin' up Lily. Nevertheless, we boarded Raivenn and sailed back to Hale's. Seana was there waitin' for us, and her and Belize fixed Lily up best as I imagine possible. Her brain was still hangin' out, after all.

All in all, I don't got any regrets about my little adventure with Lily. The folk on Hale's disagree, but that's somethin' I was prepared for when we took off the night of the Anniversary Ball at Firefly's. What mattered most to me was Lily becoming human..

Smooth Criminals

Can't say this was my first robbery, but it was my first with Lily beside me. That fact alone put the whole job in a different category. I've come to learn that with Lily, nothin' can be approached the usual way. Maybe that's why it was so damned easy. We was like one a' those crime couples in those old films back on Earth-that-was. One arm around the other and the other hand holdin' a pistol or a sack a' cash, grinnin' like we was madmen.

Lily wrangled us up some wild horses outside a' Paradiso. She's gotta way with animals, I gotta say. They went from wild and cautious to calm and cooperative in a matter a' minutes. We rode bareback into the town, knowin' full well what we was gonna do when we got to the bank. Lucky for us, the town was practically deserted. Not a soul out traversin' the streets and every window was either boarded up or broken. If I met eyes with one a' the locals, they'd avert their gaze and scurry into the closest house or the nearest alleyway. Gotta admit, that was good for the ego. Wonder what's got all these folks so spooked and skeptical?

Anyway, we dismounted outside the bank - if it could be called a bank. More like a damned grocery store with an overly huge safe right in plain sight. Not that I was expectin' a fully sealed and secured Fed protected vault. To our luck, the clerk was an old fellah. It was a good thing, I didn't wanna have to pop anybody for playin' hero and tryin' to save the day from us mean ol' robbers. There was also some local browsin' the aisles. Lily an' me walked in all casual like at first, then she drew her pistols and covered the customer while I went to the clerk's desk and flipped out my old Six-shot Flintlock, put it right to the old man's face. Old man tried to play it off like he wasn't scared a' nothin', like he could come face to face with a Reaver and blow smoke in his eyes. That was fine with us, we wasn't aimin' to give anyone a fright, we just wanted the contents of the vault.

Had the geezer unlock the safe and go stand with the other guy that Lily was coverin'. I went to work loadin' up the sacks we brought fulla credits, plats, everythin' that was in the vault. Well the bitter old geezer happened to recognize me an' Lily, he was apparently at Lily's mock trial back on Hale's. Of all the damned geezers in the 'verse, we got one who could pick both Lily and I out of a crowd easily. Whatever though, he started goin' off about how he knew our names and how much trouble we was gonna be in when the Feds arrived. I almost wanted to laugh. Poor guy really thought Alliance would send their officers to deal with a convenience store robbery in a piece a' go-se town like Paradiso? For a second I got a little worried, 'cause I remember way back when I got a contract to hunt down a robber for a handsome bounty. But that client was stinkin' rich, this guy was just some nobody working his day job. What the hell is he gonna pay a Bounty Hunter with?

I tossed Lily one of the sacks 'a cash and we left, hopped on our horses and took off in a storm a' dust. Nobody tried to stop us, nobody cared to. I almost felt guilty robbin' from poor folk like this, but.. like I always say.. these aren't easy times. Way I see it, everybody has two choices, you could keep tryin' to live honest lives and trust the Feds to take care of ya, or wake up and do somethin' for yourself for a change. That's just how life is in the 'verse, ain't pleasant, but it's true.

Once we was well outta Paradiso in the outskirts, me an' Lily found ourselves a gorram Firefly! Engine warmed and ready to take off, but empty. You'd have to be a damn fool to pass such an inviting opportunity up. I dunno where the ship's crew was, and I don't rightly care. If they're dumb enough to leave their engine runnin' without leavin' someone behind to hold it down, they don't deserve to fly. I asked Lily if she could fly the thing.. of course she could, why did I even ask? This is Lily we're talkin' about. Give her a cardboard box and a can of beans and she'll figure a way to break atmo with it. We checked out the med chamber and we scored solid. Drugs, syringes, gauze, bandages, and best of all, Pescaline D. Sweet, sweet, Pescaline. I didn't realize I was feelin' a little weak from withdrawal 'til I saw it in the medicine cabinet. I kept a little for myself, but the rest was goin' to Otto. He probably needs it more'n me.

So now, I got a fully operational ship, a straight trip to Otto, a ton of cash, plenty of drugs to fence, and best of all, Lily. Maybe I can convince her to ditch her plans with the Dust Devils and just sail with me. We'd pick up our own crew, do our own jobs, make our own money.. We'd live every rough and tumble nobody's dream; sailin' the stars with a small crew free of oppression. Although.. I'm fiercely feelin' homesick for Hale's.. it's the closest place I had to a home since growin' up with Otto. I'm missin' Shalimar and her damn fine coffee, Cat with her new outfit for each day, Pod with his whacked out jobs that never go right, my little lady killer apprentice, Jin.. Hell, I even miss the Cap and his tales of glory and valor.

I wonder.. when this is all done, will I still have a place to go home to?