Smooth Criminals

Can't say this was my first robbery, but it was my first with Lily beside me. That fact alone put the whole job in a different category. I've come to learn that with Lily, nothin' can be approached the usual way. Maybe that's why it was so damned easy. We was like one a' those crime couples in those old films back on Earth-that-was. One arm around the other and the other hand holdin' a pistol or a sack a' cash, grinnin' like we was madmen.

Lily wrangled us up some wild horses outside a' Paradiso. She's gotta way with animals, I gotta say. They went from wild and cautious to calm and cooperative in a matter a' minutes. We rode bareback into the town, knowin' full well what we was gonna do when we got to the bank. Lucky for us, the town was practically deserted. Not a soul out traversin' the streets and every window was either boarded up or broken. If I met eyes with one a' the locals, they'd avert their gaze and scurry into the closest house or the nearest alleyway. Gotta admit, that was good for the ego. Wonder what's got all these folks so spooked and skeptical?

Anyway, we dismounted outside the bank - if it could be called a bank. More like a damned grocery store with an overly huge safe right in plain sight. Not that I was expectin' a fully sealed and secured Fed protected vault. To our luck, the clerk was an old fellah. It was a good thing, I didn't wanna have to pop anybody for playin' hero and tryin' to save the day from us mean ol' robbers. There was also some local browsin' the aisles. Lily an' me walked in all casual like at first, then she drew her pistols and covered the customer while I went to the clerk's desk and flipped out my old Six-shot Flintlock, put it right to the old man's face. Old man tried to play it off like he wasn't scared a' nothin', like he could come face to face with a Reaver and blow smoke in his eyes. That was fine with us, we wasn't aimin' to give anyone a fright, we just wanted the contents of the vault.

Had the geezer unlock the safe and go stand with the other guy that Lily was coverin'. I went to work loadin' up the sacks we brought fulla credits, plats, everythin' that was in the vault. Well the bitter old geezer happened to recognize me an' Lily, he was apparently at Lily's mock trial back on Hale's. Of all the damned geezers in the 'verse, we got one who could pick both Lily and I out of a crowd easily. Whatever though, he started goin' off about how he knew our names and how much trouble we was gonna be in when the Feds arrived. I almost wanted to laugh. Poor guy really thought Alliance would send their officers to deal with a convenience store robbery in a piece a' go-se town like Paradiso? For a second I got a little worried, 'cause I remember way back when I got a contract to hunt down a robber for a handsome bounty. But that client was stinkin' rich, this guy was just some nobody working his day job. What the hell is he gonna pay a Bounty Hunter with?

I tossed Lily one of the sacks 'a cash and we left, hopped on our horses and took off in a storm a' dust. Nobody tried to stop us, nobody cared to. I almost felt guilty robbin' from poor folk like this, but.. like I always say.. these aren't easy times. Way I see it, everybody has two choices, you could keep tryin' to live honest lives and trust the Feds to take care of ya, or wake up and do somethin' for yourself for a change. That's just how life is in the 'verse, ain't pleasant, but it's true.

Once we was well outta Paradiso in the outskirts, me an' Lily found ourselves a gorram Firefly! Engine warmed and ready to take off, but empty. You'd have to be a damn fool to pass such an inviting opportunity up. I dunno where the ship's crew was, and I don't rightly care. If they're dumb enough to leave their engine runnin' without leavin' someone behind to hold it down, they don't deserve to fly. I asked Lily if she could fly the thing.. of course she could, why did I even ask? This is Lily we're talkin' about. Give her a cardboard box and a can of beans and she'll figure a way to break atmo with it. We checked out the med chamber and we scored solid. Drugs, syringes, gauze, bandages, and best of all, Pescaline D. Sweet, sweet, Pescaline. I didn't realize I was feelin' a little weak from withdrawal 'til I saw it in the medicine cabinet. I kept a little for myself, but the rest was goin' to Otto. He probably needs it more'n me.

So now, I got a fully operational ship, a straight trip to Otto, a ton of cash, plenty of drugs to fence, and best of all, Lily. Maybe I can convince her to ditch her plans with the Dust Devils and just sail with me. We'd pick up our own crew, do our own jobs, make our own money.. We'd live every rough and tumble nobody's dream; sailin' the stars with a small crew free of oppression. Although.. I'm fiercely feelin' homesick for Hale's.. it's the closest place I had to a home since growin' up with Otto. I'm missin' Shalimar and her damn fine coffee, Cat with her new outfit for each day, Pod with his whacked out jobs that never go right, my little lady killer apprentice, Jin.. Hell, I even miss the Cap and his tales of glory and valor.

I wonder.. when this is all done, will I still have a place to go home to?